I am turning 21 in 8 days: My life.

i don't think i have even begun to think about christmas gifts for some reason this year.
i'm not bitter or anything...its not like i dont want to give gifts because i think its BS to be a consumer around christmas, you know?
i just feel like there are things on my mind that have taken up a wide range of thought and i now know what it is like to be an adult - to not want anything and not worry about spending money to give an object. i only want to really spend time with people i care about while i can and while the opportunity is obvious. i think it is because im hitting a low point in my life at the same time as i am hitting a high point.
i wish i was stressed about stocking stuffers and i love carl.
i cant wait to see both of you very soon.
im coming home on monday morning.
my birthday is a week from sunday. i wanna hang out with you guys then...but after i eat red lobster with my mom and dad. is this all okay?

I just need to know more about what this is all about and how someone comes to this point. 
Just because I think I am at a point does not mean that I understand where I am or how I got myself into it. 

Is what I am getting myself into something that will really keep me happy? 
And will what I am doing in the future be something that keeps those I love happy, or even give them the proper chance to be truly happy, or is that up to them? Not that their happiness is based solely on what I happen to be doing but something that I must realize is that what I do will have a direct effect on how they live their lives...if I truly do love them.

All I want to have this holiday season is to share a love within my family that I have never felt before.  A love that I know is real and a love that will be carried with us all for the rest of out lives.

all i have is what i have right now.


lisa said...

i want to hang out COME OVER

Stephen said...

yea scottie this is how i feel too. all i really care about right now is love, but it feels like i put so much effort into stuff i dont even care about at all, i dont have enough will or time to put into the stuff i acrtually care about. i think this is because the idea of failing at something i dont care about isnt so scary. but it makes me feel miserable