I was changing into my new pair of dirty underwear and noticed that the whole area i was in smelled a lot like french people. not in a bad way...well maybe in a bad way.. i'd just like to think of it in an un-bad way because i also like to think of my self as a person who is not a jerk. french people can do great things.
i think the relevance of people from europe, no matter what country, was cancelled out because the country i was in was israel. the middle east. that is like saying me saying i smell the same as someone in quebec. I'm a jerk, i guess, sorry.
i totally just screwed up a ton of things just now.

let's start over, right?

ok. so i was changing into my dirty underwear..right? the place smelled weird. fine by me.
my mom and grandmother were about ten steps (not literally but like they probably had barely even gotten out of the van) behind me. this is the moment i have been waiting for since the second grade (when i had heard about the possibility of such a thing).

heineken in hand, paul (my older brother) and i trotted down the four sets of sandy stairs with our dirty underwear on as well as our dirty shorts on. it was normal. trust me.

we thought we were the head of the line, but not hoping we were. this wasn't a race. it was just our excitement. or maybe just my excitement transferring into paul, whom is my closest friend in my family.

of course. we got to the beach. johnny, our little brother (but not the littlest), was already halfway in the water. it's like he HAD to be the first to get in the water just bvecause he doesn't fit into the family of brothers as much as the rest of us do. the fact is is that it's his fault and our fault that he doesn't. we treat him shitty sometimes..only because he tries to be treated shittily. you know?
he's the black sheep. but really I am. or maybe stephen, the littlest, is because he doesn't think of himself as the 'black sheep'.
...who cares.

we got to the beach and johnny was only half-way in the salty water because he really did want to wait for everyone to enjoy it together, with all of us.
i got my camera out and was waiting for the perfect photos to take.
my grandmother and my mom and my dad came down together.
only my mother had her one-piece swim suit on (she is very self-conscious of her body even though she runs and bikes everyday. her family was very hard on her in her youth and she has yet to let go of it. it is normal. i am the same way, in one way or another. or at least i feel like i understand her in that sense.) she wouldn't let me take pictures of her although i did anyways.
she said it was very cold water.

i didn't care whatsoever. this is something i had been waiting for since i was eight years old.
i took one roll of film, set my camera down and entered the waters.
it DID feel like oil rather than any water i had felt previously.

i walked in further and further. my legs were now fully submerged and the water kept rising as i kept walking. it was almost up to my hips....no it was up to my hips.

i kept walking.
i kept walking.
this was something special. 

not even funny or different or unusual. something i wouldn't forget.

i almost couldn't believe what was happening. or what was going to happen, rather.

i started to give my weight to the sea. i had little faith.

i was floating. 

i closed my eyes.
i really did close my eyes.

i was gone. 

the sky was pink. or the sky was purple. or the sky was red. or the sky was deep blue.

i had no reason to care what color the sky was...my eyes were closed.

i was floating in water effortlessly.
i floated for around two minutes in disbelief.

grandma interrupted the moments with the information that if i stayed in the water too long it would burn my skin.

she is 84.
i was 21. what did i care. i would have done this for hours but i knew it would have been the same as the two minutes i had alone with the water.

still, she is 84, i was 21. two minutes is the same as five hours, anyways.

1 comment:

Martine said...

this is nice to read.